Kindness

The lesson in Relief Society today was on a subject I have been thinking about lately.

KINDNESS

The teacher made some points that deserve some thinking time.

1.  Kindness is a habit

2.  A kind person finds good in everyone

3.  A kind person is forgiving

4.  We should all nurture the spirit of love and kindness

5.  A kind person has a positive outlook

 By being kind, patient and forgiving 

we help soften hearts,

and encourage others to live righteously

Thank you Shelly for a great lesson.

and then...

He retired on Wednesday. On Thursday we started driving south and continued until the land ended, then we got on a big boat and continued our southward journey. Eventually we found ourselves deposited on land again and slowly started our drive northward. We made a few stops along the way. When we finally reached home again we had been gone almost 3 weeks.

Now we start the work of everyday living at home.

Our new bikes have arrived and we finished putting them together last night. We enjoyed going to the matinee to see a movie we have been waiting for and laughed and laughed. We met our daughter at the store and she gave us coupons to make our purchases in the middle of the morning.

Our friends have invited us to go to the Chinese restaurant for lunch on Tuesday--Senior Day--where the bill for both of us together will be $10. We have been walking around the lake every day and the scales are down 1 pound each--if we can keep this up for 30 weeks we will reach our goals. As I prepare our meals I fill the table with plenty of vegetable choices. I am trying to fix all of our meals at home keeping them delicious and simple.

All of our children who live in the country surprised us last weekend with a get together to celebrate our new phase of life. It was fun to see the grandchildren and their parents. We enjoyed the party and having a house full if only for sleep and breakfast before they all headed back to their busy lives. The only thing that would have made the moments better was if those in Germany could have zipped over for the night as well, but then we have tickets to go visit them in just a few days, so all is well.

Life is good and the fun times are just beginning--or so my friends tell me.

My husband retired and then.....

Changes

Happy New Year

The changing of the calendar always signals a chance to take a good long look at your life and where it is going.

I remember taking this opportunity the year I turned 12. For Christmas that year my grandmother gave me a 5 year diary. I remember writing in that diary consistently and occasionally over the next few years.

Another goal I made that year was to read my scriptures. I decided to start with the New Testament--I got as far as the first page and all of the begats and thought this was the most boring of books and would take a lot of effort to keep going. Little did I know the hours I would spend over the next 40+ years pouring over those pages, finding small passages to lighten my way.

This year is the same as every year since I turned 12: A desire to keep up with my journal more frequently, read and study my scriptures more fully, and a goal I added about 15 years ago--lose a few pounds.

I am thrilled about the prospect of keeping up with these goals. I get excited when I think about how 'easy' it will be to do.

You may be asking yourself what change has happened to make me think that I might be able to accomplish these goals more easily than in previous years??

Life goes on every day in a routine or pattern. We try to make changes in that pattern, make a new habit, and sometimes we can, but a disturbance in our routine--sickness, vacation--and our new habit can be lost.

Tomorrow is my husband's last day at work. He is retiring from going to the office every day. He is taking on a new full time job, that of husband, father and grandfather with a little time for himself thrown in for good measure.

We have been drafting a daily schedule to help us make those life changes we have wanted to do but there were not enough hours in the day to do them. We have scheduled things like spiritual study and exercise written on the daily planner with the morning routine, right along side of shower and shave.

Our daughter is excited to help her father figure out the joys of couponing. He received a do-dad for Christmas that will help him turn all of his slides into digital pictures, he has always loved photography, I hope he picks up the hobby again. He has asked if taking a nap can be added to the schedule--of course.

While exercise is not at the top of his happy list, eating is, and I reminded him that if he adds a half hour walk to his daily routine he can lose 20 pounds in a year by not changing anything else. That seemed to make him happy, now it is up to me to prepare meals that are more vegetables than carbohydrates--a challenge I am excited to take on.

Making this giant change has been a difficult decision for him, he has worked since he was 15. I keep telling him that he is not quitting work, he is lightening his stress level and freeing up some time to tackle full time the most important job he has ever had, that of father.

I am excited about the changes in our lives and the opportunities it is opening up for us.

We have a long list of things to accomplish this year: A bathroom to remodel and a wood floor to lay, landscaping details in the yard that need attending as well as piles and stacks to be sorted.

But first, we promised ourselves years ago that on the day he retired we would get in the car and drive across country, to go places we have never been and see things we have never seen. We would go slow and simple, drive a few hours then choose a place to stay, not giving ourselves any deadlines. We have had 40 years of deadlines. It is time to take some time for us--time to fall in love again and plan for the next 20 years.

Exercise, scripture study and journal entries are on the list of goals for the year as well as home improvement projects. Our calendar if full of places to go and people to see as well as responsibilities we have committed to. It will be an exciting year full of changes and opportunities to start again.

Before we get in the car on Thursday we decided to walk around the lake first--that should start us off on a good foot.

Change is a good thing.

True Christmas

This Christmas was a bit disjointed for me.

It started last fall when my daughter hurt her back and needed my care for her and her children. We went day by day, hoping each treatment and the bed rest would bring less pain--and soon--4 months had passed.

I added a trip to Indiana to care for my son's family and took my mother to Germany for her first trip abroad. While in Germany I enjoyed the time with my daughter as the Christmas season began in earnest.

The next thing I knew it was December 15th and not a gift had been bought.

I spent a good deal of the season rocking fretful children, softly singing Christmas carols as a lullaby.

I gathered children around me and read holiday stories to ready them for bed.

I looked at trees trimmed with memories in each of my children's homes.

I sat and held hands with my sweetheart as we watched a movie or two that portrayed a heart felt message.

I drove down the streets of town looking at pretty lights in amazement of the magical transformation they make in the season.

Too soon the calendar stated that the time for preparation was past and it was time to sit and reflect.

It was not a year for wonderful home made gifts crafted with love. It was more of a checkbook Christmas which could only hint of my love for those that I call dear.

But, a magical Christmas it was.

I was able to see all of my children and grandchildren during the season. I was able to hold them and kiss them and hug them.

I played games with the children and cooked tastey food that I hope will make a memory far lasting than a trinket I might buy or bauble I might craft.

My daughter received a clear bill of health from her doctor. Though she is tired and weak, in time she will be strong again.

My husband is working his last few days in preparation for retirement in the first days of the new year. We have worked our entire married life for this exciting event, I am looking forward to this wonderful change in our lives.

I am thankful for the birth of my Savior, for his life and atoning gift for me and you. The world is a sweeter place during the Christmas season. I am glad I was able to spend the season rocking little children, looking at the sparkle in their eyes as the magic of Christmas unfolded with each new day.

I hope you were able to make a Christmas memory that will last longer than the falling needles of your once beautiful tree.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

refined

I have spent some time on my thought word from Monday:

re·fined (ri fīnd′) adjective

1. made free from other matter, or from impurities; purified
2. free from crudeness or coarseness; cultivated; elegant
3. characterized by great subtlety, precision, etc.

Webster's New World College Dictionary Copyright © 2010 by Wiley Publishing, Inc., Cleveland, Ohio.

re·fined (rĭ-fīndˈ) adjective

1. Free from coarseness or vulgarity; polite.
2. Free of impurities; purified.
3. Precise to a fine degree.

The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 4th edition Copyright © 2010 by Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company.

I do not know if I can ever reach the perfection of "3. Precise to a fine degree."

But I am daily working on "2. free from crudeness or coarseness; cultivated; elegant"

Refinement in a person is an ongoing process.

I have heard it said that we are like a crude piece of coal and the pressures of everyday living help turn the coal into a beautiful shining diamond, if we will let them.

Life is full of daily disappointments and frustrations. It is how we let those experiences mingle in our lives that decides if we will be a curmudgeon in our old age. The bumps and bruises of life can help shine and sparkle the beautiful gem that we are, or make us scarred and deformed.

It is our choice to let life's experiences refine us to the perfection we were meant to be. We can't do anything about the rocks of life we stumble into, but we can choose how we will react as we fall.

Becoming a refined person is a lifelong pursuit. Daily choices with elegance and purity as a goal.

Gratitude

Yesterday I listened to a wonderful talk on Gratitude.

I have known for a long time that being thankful for the things you have makes a person more gentle, kind and happy.

It is the philosophy of looking at half a donut and seeing the sugared delight and not the hole, taking a half glass of milk and enjoying the cool refreshing taste as it couples with the donut and not measuring who got more--you or the person you are sharing the sweet treat with.

Gratitude makes you happy to have a friend to share with.

Selfishness makes you wish for the whole calorie filled diet buster for yourself forgetting the delight that comes in sharing a sweet moment.

A few thoughts I took away from the talk were:

gratitude precedes miracles. If only because you have a different way of looking at the things that are happening in your life.

We should be humble enough to cherish the blessings we already have. We live in an awesome era. Most of us have plenty to eat. We live in homes where we are warm in the winter and cool in the summer. We have clothes to wear and shoes for our feet. When tired we have a comfortable bed to sleep in.

Joseph B. Wirthlin is quoted as saying,

"Gratitude is the mark of a refined soul"

Refined is my thought word for today as I mentally list my blessings.

-Tears

Christmas 5 years ago we received a urgent telephone call from Ryan Brew, a young man in our church congregation. He had been fighting cancer for quite a few years and was finally in remission--or so we thought. On this particular day, just before Christmas, he had a terrible back ache and needed my husbands help. As the doctor visits continued over the next few days and onto months I spent quite a few hours with his mother, Pam.

Pam was a wonderful mother to her 5 children and a devoted wife to her husband, Reggie. She took care of them all during this trying time for their family with class and style. As Ryan's final days drew to a close Pam and I cried together as only mothers can. We shared many tender moments as the family tried to heal and continue living while missing Ryan so much.

Two months ago we got word that Pam was now the family member with urgent medical needs. The doctor diagnosed stomach cancer and just hours later Pam's life was forever altered. It has been a rough autumn for the family and this last weekend with her family around her, Pam said goodbye.

Pam Brew was an elect lady. She was kind and loving. She was a supportive wife and loving grandmother. She has 3 daughters that my heart aches for. For weeks we prayed for health and life, at the end we prayed for peace and a quick passing. This life is such a short span of time.

I cried with Pam at Ryan's passing. I cry for the family and myself at Pam's passing. Life is too short. I need to kiss my husband and spend a moment longer hugging my children and grandchildren as I see them over the course of the holiday.

This is the second friend I've lost this year. I guess the flip side of that is the two grandbabies I welcomed into the world in the same span of time. This is the season to stop and recognize our blessings. I was blessed to know a wonderful woman named Pam Brew. Someday I hope to see her again.

May peace of heart encircle her family as they cry this holiday and give them strength to continue on. The world was a better place because Pam Brew made it better for all she knew and loved.

JOY

This is a thought from last Sunday's lesson that has been rolling around in my brain all week:

...men are, that they might have joy

We have the opportunity to make so many choices every day--is joy one of them??

In any given situation what will I choose??

I guess part of the choice process is figuring out what joy is. Is it an easy path?? Is it sun shiny days every day?? Is it having surplus money or an excess of food?? Does it come from a bigger house?? Having more time?? A newer car??

While some of these items may make the road less bumpy at times, there are those who have lived without running water or air conditioning, eating only the food they grew in the dirt and walked every where they went, who were quite joyful.

How can I follow the counsel given to us in 2Nephi 2:25?? How do I recognize joy??

Does it come in a child's smile? A spoken thank you? A gentle touch?? A beautiful flower??

I think it comes from deep down inside of each of us. Just like making good choices helps us to continue to make good choices, choosing joy--and recognizing the feeling--helps us choose joy over despair as we continue to recognize joy in our lives.

...men are, that they might have joy

I want to choose joy.

The House with the Golden Windows

I remember my mother telling me this story when I was young and it has stayed with me.

There was a young woman who lived in a comfortable house. There was spotty green grass, the gate was a little wobbly on the hinges, but it was a comfortable, tidy house where sometimes she laughed.

Every morning as the young woman looked across the valley she could see a beautiful house with golden windows at the top of the hill. Every day she thought of that house with the golden windows. She wondered how lovely it would be to live in such a beautiful house. She was sure the gate would not wobble and that the grass must be like a smooth blanket. She thought of the fragrant flowers that must bloom at such a beautiful house and how happy the people must be that lived there.

One day the young woman decided to venture out to visit the house with the golden windows on the other side of the valley. All day she trudged along thinking of the glorious and happy people who must live in the wonderful house with the golden windows. Finally at the end of the day, towards evening time she finally arrived at the house on top of the hill across the valley.

When she reached for the gate it wobbled in her hand. Toys littered the patchy grass and the windows no longer looked golden. She could hear the dog barking and children crying. She looked around to be sure she had come to the right place and there across the valley she could see golden windows--What was this?? At closer inspection she realized that the house she now saw with the golden window's was her own comfortable little house on the opposite hill.

How many times do we think that life would be better if only...when we finally....once....after...

Sometimes life really is best right where we are. All we need to do is realize that with an attitude adjustment we could be enjoying a happy life in the house with the golden windows every day.

GRATITUDE

Gratitude is an attitude--a way of perceiving life.

Have you ever thought to keep a gratitude journal?? Take a book and record each day or several times a week the blessings you have felt or experienced, such as good health, lessons learned, or positive experiences. Record your thoughts or feelings about them. Force yourself to be positive and look at the glass as half full. By doing this you will encourage yourself to relive the experience and savor those happy thoughts.

I remember at an especially low time I was so down. I decided to keep a happiness or gratitude journal to help me through. I remember walking around the lake one day crying and then I saw a squirrel jumping and squawking and running around. Then I noticed the birds singing and the sun peaking out from behind the clouds. All of a sudden I realized that all was not lost. Life was good and I would make it through. As I recorded it all in my journal I could feel the lightening of my spirits again.

Sometimes it is hard to be grateful--My daughter is finally pregnant--it has been a long hard journey to get to--but, happily, she is pregnant. Unfortunately she has a condition this pregnancy that has her bed bound at the moment. She is hooked up to an IV--when they can find a vein that works. She has a pump with medicine poked into her belly. She is so weak that it is a chore to talk, yet she smiles--a baby is on the way and for that we are most grateful.

Yes, I have learned

Gratitude is an Attitude

In Everything Give Thanks

I have a friend that passed away this week. Catie Dunn Stubben. She was a young mother with 3 small children aged 2-6. I had her children in my pre school and grew close to the family when Catie was first diagnosed with cancer. She was pregnant with the youngest at the time, that is how they found the cancer. Sarah was born 3 months early and thrived. She had such a desire to be a part of this sweet family.

Last year Catie brought me a sign that hangs in my front room so all can see. It says:

IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS

Catie always had a giant smile on her face. She found joy in everything that she did. She looked for the good in all that came her way. She and Steve were such a good team as they took care of the children and kept Catie on her medical regiments. Her mother would come from Tennessee every other week to take care of the children and then take them back with her and return again--truly an angel on wheels.

My prayers are with the family as they weep for their sweetheart and mother. May God's loving arms surround them with peace and may they be filled with hope as they remember how Catie lived.

I know that Steve with his children David, Mary and Sarah will think of Catie's wise counsel when they reflect that they are an eternal family. May we all try to remember a big smile and sweet face glowing with joy in the most difficult of circumstances and try to remember that there is always a reason for thankfulness.

IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS

Thank you Catie for your good example. Till we meet again.